FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."

FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall.

BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much?"

FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince.

BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you.

FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.

BEST FRIENDS: Already have the shovel to bury the body of the person that made you cry.

FRIENDS: Will pass you a soda.

BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.

FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month.

BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in.

FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain.

BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and runs.

FRIENDS: Will help you move.

BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.

FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the cell with you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.

BEST FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.

BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.

BEST FRIENDS: Won't tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.

BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.

BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.

BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.

BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds butt that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.

BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.

BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college.

BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.

BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say, "Girl drink the rest of that! You know we don't waste!"

FRIENDS: Would read and ignore this.

BEST FRIENDS: Will re-post this!

37 Things to do in an ElevatorEdit

1. Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"

2. Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.

3. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.

4. Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.

5. Meow occasionally.

6. Stare at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM!" - and back away slowly.

7. Say "DING!" at each floor.

8. Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push all the red buttons.

9. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

10. Stare grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."

11. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"

12. Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone.

13. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."

14. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.

15. As you are coming to the end of the journey, get emotional and have a group hug. Tell them that you will never forget them.

16. Ask if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.

17. Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"

18. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"

19. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.

20. Pretend you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

21. Swat at flies that don't exist.

22. Call out "Group hug!" then enforce it.

23. Make car race noises when someone gets on or off.

24. Congratulate all for being in the same lift with you.

25. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"

26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

27. While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.

28. Let your cell phone ring - don't answer it.

29. Walk into the lift and say "This reminds me of being buried alive. Ah, those were the days..."

30. Take shoes off before entering. Then look shocked and disgusted when the others don't.

31. Ask people which floor they want, say in 'Who want to be a millionaire' style is that your final answer.

32. Also in your bellboy act, ask what floor they want. Whatever they say, give them a glare and say "you should be ashamed of yourself!", and leave the lift tutting.

33. Ask, "Did you feel that?"

34. Tell people that you can see their aura.

35. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."

36. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."

37. Dress up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "It is time...

Really Dumb Store labels:Edit

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (too late )

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (thank you captain obvious . . .)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (no comment . . .)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (Oh yeah because many kids are driving cars and operating machinery these days . . .)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (Isn't that kinda the point??)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (Dude, what else is there?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (okay that made me curious, what other use???)

On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (captain obvious has returned!!!)

On artificial bacon: "Real artificial bacon bits". (because they don't want to give us the fake bacon, they want to give us the real fake bacon :P)

On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (Capitan Ovbious Strikes Again!)

On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: keep out of children. (because it somehow always end up inside the children right?...)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. (somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)

On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands. (Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. (Oh Lets go fly off niagra falls while wearing this!)

7 Ways to Scare the Crap out of Your RoommatesEdit

7) Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate with a sadisitic look and mutter, "Soon...soon..."

6) Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.

5) Tell your roommate, "I've got an important message for you." Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on, say, "Oh, yeah, I remember!" Pretend to faint again. Keep this up for several weeks.

4) While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan.

3) Make a sandwich. Don't eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the sandwich. Wait until your roommate gets rid of it, and then say, "Hey, where the heck is my sandwich?" Complain loudly that you’re hungry.

2) Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, "Shouldn't you be going somewhere?"

1) Talk back to your Rice Krispies. All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, "No, I want to watch them suffer."

Things I'm not allowed to do at HogwartsEdit

1) The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball
2) I am not allowed to sing, "We're Off to See the Wizard" while skipping off to the Headmaster's office
3) I am not allowed to take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter
4) I am not allowed to ask Dumbledore to show you the pointy hat trick
5) I am not allowed to give Remus Lupin a flea collar
6) I am not allowed to bring a Magic 8 Ball to Divination
7) I am not allowed to say that Seamus Finnegan is "after my lucky charms"
8) I am not allowed to start a betting pool on this years Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. It's taste-less, tacky, and not a good money-making strategy.
9) I am not allowed to joke about Remus' "time of the month"
10) I am not allowed to make light saber sounds with my wand
11) I am not allowed to give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals (Or Digimon Cards for that matter)
12) I am not to refer to the Accio charm as "The Force"
14) I will not use my socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin-House mascot
15) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, assume that I am not allowed to use it
16) I will not lock the Slytherin's and Gryffindor's in a room together and bet on which House will come out alive
17) I will not charm the suits of armor to do a rendition of "The Knights of the Round Table" for the Christmas Feast (Kill Joy.)
18) I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug A Slytherin Day" (Oh Really? *smiles evilly* I've got some planning to do....)
19) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways (But it's fun.)
20) It is not necessary to yell, "BURN!" Whenever Snape takes points away from Gryffindor
21) I will not say the phrase, "Get a Life" to Voldemort
22) First years are not to be fed to Fluffy (Even if they annoy the hell outta me?)
23) I will never ask Harry if his Voldie senses are tingling
26) It is not necessary to yell, "BAM" every time I Apparate
27) I will not steal Gryffindor sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways (Crud.)
28) I will not poke Hufflepuff's with spoons, nor shall I insist that their color's indicate that they're "covered in bee's" (Seriously? Yellow and Black? How can I NOT suggest that?)
29) "I've heard every joke possible about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge
32) If a class-mate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that and draw a Dark Mark on their arm (I can't help myself.)
33) House Elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers, nor Quaffles for that matter.
34) I will not start every potion's class by asking Snape if the potion is acceptable as Body Lotion (Snape is creepy.)
35) I will not call the Weasly twins, "bookends"
36) I will not call the Patil twins, "bookends"
37) I will not call the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny, even if he is wearing an orange anorak (They KILLED KENNY! YOU BASTARDS!!!)
45) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween (There goes THAT plan.)
46) It is a bad idea to tell Snape he takes himself too seriously
47) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that The Knight's Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, 'Ni' from various directions
48) I am not the King of the Potato People and I do not have a flying carpet
49) "To conquer the Earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not a career choice
50) I will not attack my fellow classmates ( is this one optional?)
51) I will not make an impossible riddle for people to give an answer to enter the Ravenclaw area (If a Tree falls in the forest, does it make a sound?)
52) I am not allowed to claim that growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is "Extra Herbology Work."
53) I am not authorised to negotiate a peace treaty with Voldemort
54) I will stop referring to showering as "Giving Moaning-Myrtle an eye-full."
55) I am not allowed to lock Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy in a closet to see who will come out alive
56) I will not tell Draco to “Make like a ferret and bounce”
57) It is exceptionally tasteless to tell Professor Lupin ‘Once you go black you never go back’
58) I will not use Umbridge's quill to write, "Told you I was Hard Core."
59) I will not greet Professor McGonagall with “What’s new pussy cat?”
60) I will not start singing and dancing in the middle of lessons and claim someone put the Imperious Curse on me.
61) I will not tell Ron and Hermione to ‘get a room’ whenever they start fighting
62) Ravenclaws do not find a sign saying the library is closed for an indefinite time period funny in any sense. Nor does Hermione Granger.
63) I do not weigh the same as a Duck.
64) I do not have a Dalek Patronus.
65) I will not lick Trevor.
66) Gryffindor Courage does not come in bottles labeled, "Firewhiskey".
67) I will not refer to Lucius Malfoy as a pimp - even if he does carry a pimp cane
68) I am no longer allowed to use the words ‘pimp cane’ in front of Draco Malfoy.
69) I will not tell the first years that Professor Snape is the Voice of God.
70) I will not tell the first years to build a treehouse in the Whomping Willow.
71) I will not tell Filch that Peeves has left. It is cruel to get his hopes up like that.
72) I am not allowed to skip through the hallways singing the "Wizards of Waverly Place" theme song.
73) I am not allowed to attack the new Head Boy with water ballons.
74) I am not allowed to change the Slytherin common room to red and gold.n.
75) I am not allowed to tell Lockheart that his fanclub is waiting in the Whomping Willow.
76) I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss
77) Professor Flitwick's first name is not Yoda
78) I will not sing the Badger Song during Hufflepuff-Slytherin quidditch matches. (Gopher, gopher, gopher, Badger, Badger, Badger, SNAKE! SNAKE!!)
79) When Death-Eaters are attacking Hogsmeade, I shall not point at the Dark Mark and shout "To the Bat Moblie, Robin!"
80) Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazgul is simply coincidental
81) I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my Calculus book.
82) I will not hold my wand in the air before I casting spells shouting "I got the power!"
83) I am not allowed to paint the house elves blue and call them smurfs.
84) I will not slip Malfoy a Love Potion in his morning goblet of Pumpkin Juice. (No way in freaking hell!)
85) I will not say the phrase "Dude, get a life" to Voldemort.
86) Should I chance to see a Death Eater wearing a white mask, I should not start singing anything from The Phantom of the Opera.(I'll try.)
87) I will not call Dumbledore "Santa Claus!" during the Christmas Holidays. (Mmmkay.)
88) I will not put Muggle fairy book in the History section at the library.
89) I will not send Snape a bottle of shampoo for Christmas. (Crap.)
90)I am not allowed to tell Hufflepuffs there is no Santa Claus.
91) I am not allowed to refer to myself as the New Dark Lord.
92)I am not allowed to sneak into Professor Snapes private chambers to watch him sing I Will Survive in the mirror, as it is disturbing.
93) I am not allowed to steal Professor Flitwicks wand, hold it over my head and laugh as he tries to reach it. (Uh, Hell no! He'll be uber angry...and I'm already in trouble.)
94)I will not replace Madam Pomfrey's Skele-Gro with pumpkin juice.
95) I will not replace Professor Snape's pumpkin juice with Skele-Gro.
96) I will not impersonate the Swedish Chef in Potions class.
97) The next time that I see Rita Skeeter, I am not to threaten her with a can of Raid. (But she deserves it!)
98) I will not subvert the lock on the fourth-floor girls' bathroom and sell its location to first-years as "The Chamber of Secrets".
99) When applying for a post at the Ministry of Magic after graduation, I should not cite "Fred and George Weasley" as my greatest influence at Hogwarts.
100) Putting down "Lord Voldemort" is probably not best either.
101) A Muggle "vacuum cleaner" is not acceptable Quidditch equipment, even if it has been enchanted to fly. (It's much cleaner than brooms.)
102) Hogsmeade village is not "a wretched hive of scum and villainy. “
103) I will not tell Professor Trelawney that I prophesied her death. (But, but, but.....Curses.....Fine I won't.)
104) I will also not tell Professor Trelawney that I had a vision of her killing the Dark Lord.
105) Sending rings to the nine senior faculty at Yuletide, with the return address "Voldemort", is not funny.
106) Insisting that the school acquire computers and network the buildings is a pointless request as they claim that a quill and parchment is sufficient.
107) Calling the Ghostbusters is a cruel joke to play on the resident ghosts and poltergeists.
108) I may not have a private army.
109) I must not substitute chocolate-flavored laxative for Professor Lupin's prescription-strength chocolate.
110) Nor am I to in any way substitute, alter, hide, or otherwise tamper with Professor Dumbledore's candy. (Hmmmm....)
111) I am not the wicked witch of the west.
112) -I will not refer to Professor Umbridge as such either. (She's a good second though. -_-)
113) I will not melt if water is poured over me.
114) -Neither will Professor Umbridge. (Damn!)
115) I shouldn't use Photoshop to create incriminating photos of my house prefects or tutors.
116) I will not enchant the Golden Snitch to fly up the nearest fan's nose. (But it's fun, even if I get suspended from the team.)
117) I do not know the Avada Kedavra curse, and pretending I do to people who annoy me is not funny, no matter how much they injure themselves diving for cover.
118) I will not test my Potions assigments by spiking Snape's drink with them.
119) - Especially not all of them at once. (Whooops.....)
120) I will not try to hock off my old piercings as "priceless Muggle artifacts."
121) I will not claim my X-Files tapes are "Auror Training Videos.
122) Professor Snape definitely does not have pointed ears, and under no circumstances is he to be addressed as 'Spock'.
123) I am not able to see the Grim Reaper, nor am I to claim that he is standing by the Headmaster, tapping an hourglass and looking at him impatiently. Or, for that matter, Harry Potter.
124) When being interrogated by a member of staff, I am not to wave my hand and announce 'These are not the droids you are looking for'.
125) Thestrals do not resemble the Muggle toys known as 'My Little Pony'. (Skeleton Pegasi Versions.)
126) The four Houses are not the Morons, the Borons, the Smarts and the Junior Death Eaters.
127) Despite my personal beliefs, Quidditch would not improved by the introduction of muggle firearms.
128) Though they are doubtless more athletic, battle-axes are not acceptable either.
129) I will not claim there is a prequel to Hogwarts, A History that explains about Bilbo Baggins.
130) I will not use the Marauder's Map for stalking purposes. (I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.....What? Damn it!)
131) I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintballing. (Hmmm...... Ideas....)
132) I am not allowed to ask Professor Dumbledore if the size of his beard is 'compensating for something'.
133) I will not create a betting pool on that Voldemort is Harry Potter's father.
134) Headmaster Dumbledore is of no relation to Willy Wonka.
135) Professor Snape's proper given name is not Princess Silvermoon Fairywing GlimmerMcSparkles. (Hmm? Sorry, What was that? I was listening to Professor Princess.)
136) Harry Potter and Ron Weasley are not the magical equivalent of "Batman and Robin". (Yes, yes they are.)
137) I will not play the Imperial March theme for Professor Snape.
138) - However, when Lucius Malfoy visits, I may play it.
139) If I insist on carrying out my plans of producing "Riddle-de-dee: The Voldemort Musical", I will do so under a nom-de-plume.
140) I will not attempt to recruit the title character to play himself. Even if he looks good in tap shoes.
141) I should not refer to Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle collectively as "Team Rocket" either. (Alrighty then, Prepare for trouble and make it double....Ooops wrong fandom XD)
142) I am not allowed to discuss my theory that Voldemort is actually the second cousin of Sauron.
143) I am not a 'ninja sent here by Lord Voldemort to destroy Harry Potter' and should stop shouting this at meal times.
144) It's not tasteful to approach Cho wearing a shirt that says All the good-looking ones die young with a picture of Cedric Diggory on it.
145) I will not yell "Hey look It's Lord Voldemort!" at Hogsmeade
146) I will not tease Voldemort about the time he needed his pink flowery teddy bear to comfort him when he had that nightmare about Harry (I don't want to die!)
147) I will not charm a poster of Britney Spears on Draco's wall (Watch her dance Draco! *laughs Evilly*)
148) I will not play the Wicked Witch of the West Theme song when Professor Umbridge comes walking down the hall.
149) I am not the Queen of Hearts and whenever Draco Malfoy or Professor Umbridge walks by I'm not allowed to shout 'Off with their heads!'
150) I will not throw water on Professor Umbridge yelling 'melt witch melt.'
151) I will not throw a bone into Professor Lupin's classroom telling him 'Get it boy! Get it!'
152) Professor Dumbledore is not Gandolf and I will not refer to him as such.
153) I will not set fires and say 'The Deatheaters made me do it.'
154) I will not sing 'Werewolves of London' to Professor Lupin.
155) I will not ask Professor Moody where Jim Hawkins is.
156) I will not send a sympathy card to Professor Umbridge for losing her sister to a house falling on her.
157) I will not convince the First years that OZ is a real country and that the Wicked Witch is still at large.
158) I will not hide Howlers in the first years morning porridge.
159) I will not convince the first years that Chocolate frogs are real frogs covered in chocolate.
160) I will not smuggle in a TV and say it's a magic mirrior that allows you to see what's going on in the muggle world.
161) I will not convice Hagrid that 'Puff the Magic Dragon' is real.
162) Lord Voldemort is not Darth Vader and Harry Potter is not Luke Skywalker
163) I will stop using a joybuzzer on my classmates and convincing them I can control lighting.
164) I will not present Professor McGongall with a ball of yarn and say "here kitty kitty."
165) I will not use the Enlargement charm on a Mushroom and claim it will make me gaint.
166) I will stop sending Professor Umbridge centuar memorbilia.
167) I will stop putting 'The Lord of the Rings' trilogy and 'The Hobbit' in the non-fiction section of the library.
168) Contrary to popular belief, Professor Umbridge is not a toad and therefore can not be dissected.

Ad blocker interference detected!

Wikia is a free-to-use site that makes money from advertising. We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers

Wikia is not accessible if you’ve made further modifications. Remove the custom ad blocker rule(s) and the page will load as expected.